I'm afraid of side projects

I am a software developer for more than a decade now. But I am not as good as I could be, because I'm afraid of making side projects.

To become a proficient software developer we must solve problems and code without excuses. Day after day. The more complex things we build, the more we learn. The more complex systems we design, the broader our thinking become.

Even if I see my day to day behaviours dumb (or let's say - inappropriate), I can't escape from this. I'm still trying, but when the day ends, I return to default settings - which are wrong. I'm talking about bad habits that decreases my value as a software developer. I know there is no easy way out. There are a lot of resources about mind reprogramming or changing mindset. They still need a lot of time and effort.

But in conclusion, why I'm afraid of side projects? Simple answer is that I'm afraid of being judged by others.

This is a huge problem that resides deep in my head. It's started with my childhood, the environment and ways that I've been raised in, and so on. Unfortunately, that's pretty tough to change and to be honest with you - I found psychotherapy usefull in that matter. But psychotherapy is still a shameful illness in Poland. Through therapy I want to get rid of my worries and make side projects, even if they'll be far from perfect. By that, I'm also going to be a better software developer and happier person.